some people can be so classy…and hypocritical.

on a different note i think i found a new favourite band <3 there for tomorrow i love yu

I’m in a strange mood, hurt, reminiscent and nervous, but at the same time kind of happy. So the year is nearly over and i need a break so badly i think im going to cry of happiness when the 24th rolls around…i miss school and holidays, and im so jealous of everyone who does uni and gets 4 months off, while i get a measly one week haha… tomorrow is a day full of exams that im not ready for, and one of them will determine how things will turn out next year…i need it to go my way for once..

I feel hurt because some people i call my friends often don’t feel like my friends at all, this past year i’ve drifted away from people, not on purpose, but they didn’t seem to notice because they have different friends…better ones most likely.

I cant help but look at other people and how close they are to there friends, going on holidays, always hanging out, and i want that so badly…a weekend away with friends would be bliss…

I guess i cant be too negative though, because im realizing there’s someone in my life that i know cares about me, she doesn’t have to say it, just being able to sit with her and chat for hours, the way she listens to everything i have to say and never tells me im being stupid, the way she defends me when someone is mean to me, the way we’ve had the worst times together, but we made it through…the way we think the same and feel the same, and the memories we share….

I’m not really sure of anything in my life but i know this person is always going to be my best friend, no matter what…

And that is my rant for now…maybe im feeling so miserable because of this shitty weather…it wouldn’t be surprising

Just when you feel ok about things, something sets you off again. It seems like somethings just not right, like things have changed again for the hundredth time.

I really need a break, i think one week holidays in a year is really not nearly enough time to relax..but this year its just going to have to do. I need this break so badly, to clear my head and try and start again, i envy people that get to relax for weeks and months, but thats the way things are.

If i think this year has been tiring, next year will be a lot worse.

Yes a break will be good. I cant wait.

I hate it how one person can make you feel like crap, without saying anything or doing anything.

By looking at one picture or one past conversation, or even hearing someone else talk about them, it can bring up a whole lot of memories or/and anger that you just want to leave behind.

It’s selfish and bitchy but sometimes I wish you would disappear so all these stupid unwanted angry thoughts in my head would also disappear. I don’t hate you, I never really have (although it comes across differently) I just hate the way you make me feel like some raging bitchy monster…cause that’s not who I am and not who I want to be…but you bring out the worst in me and im not too sure why….

So i’m in a reminiscent mood.

I never thought i would but i miss highschool so much, when i was there i hated it and couldnt wait to get out, positive that life after school would be so much better, funner, everyone else seems to have adapted to uni, tafe, work…but i still feel extremely..incomplete..i dont want to be where i am..i had much different ideas about how the past two years would pan out.

So yes i miss highschool and just being irresponsible and childlike…i miss being able to be creative in art with my closest friends

I miss having silly crushes, and i really miss flirting with andrew in design and tech, then being offended when the teacher pointed it out

I miss playing stupid games at lunch times like “the lesbian ball” and being able to lie in the sun and make different shapes out of the clouds that floated by

i miss being able to see my friends everyday…although we try it seems so hard to keep in contact these days, everyone has different lives and it sucks that no one seems as close anymore

I think the thing i miss the most is being able to hang out with my best friend…i miss being idiots together and i hate that i never get to see her, i hate the way things turned out and the way people judge and hold grudges…i miss her being around so much =[

anyways thats my little speel on how life after highschool hasnt lived up to my expectations at all

The end.